Musings From The Chair

So you want to know?

Well. Many of you were convinced that nobody could HATE vinegar. But you would be...

WRONG.

To me, vinegar is the arse sweat within the buttocks of the midget fly-monkey that resides in the hell-hole that is the mould that lives under Satan's foreskin. Sorry, but I think you get the picture.

I hate it, I really do. It tastes disgusting. How could you maim your chips with that filth?

Anyway. Moving on.

Yes, I also saw Brian Cant live when I was at primary school. Can't remember the details - he came to the West Midlands, but I saw him. Live.

So that leaves the lie.

Yep.

The only pet I had when I was growing up was a goldfish called Martina. I called her Martina because I won her at the fair the day that Martina Navratilova won Wimbledon. I don't think she lasted long enough to form any kind of bond.

So no. I never had a hamster, let alone get the chance to call it Bilbo. Which I would have done.

So there.

1. I hate vinegar.

2. I have seen Brian Cant live.

3. My childhood pet (hamster) was called Bilbo.

Hi there.

It wasn't until I got into the village that I realised that it was Saturday night, which is always a bad time. Drunken teenagers whose general drinking habits consist of this:

Bawling at the top of their foul little voices (every other word a swear one) and yes - sure enough - a fight broke out outside the pub.Keep your head down, move along...

I do wonder what this country is coming too.

Anyway, Hubster brought home a bottle of duty free Bombay Saphire the other day and I have been charged with getting some tonic water. But neither shop had any! So I compromised with a bottle of Sprite. Apparently that was a 'baaad idea' and I have been poo-pooed. I mean, what is wrong with a good old Gin & Sprite?

1. What is your earliest memory of Michael Jackson??

I think it was around the time of the BAD album, which was HUGE - almost every song from the album was a huge hit.I had it on LP.

2. Do you have a most favourite Michael Jackson song?

It's a toss up between Billie Jean and Dirty Diana

3. Could the boy dance or could he dance??

Well. there was a lot of crotch grabbing, I remember that.

4. Have you ever been lucky enough to see MJ or the Jackson 5 in concert?

No. 'fraid not.

5. How cool would it be to have your very own Never Never Land all in the back garden of your house?

I'd have to get a bigger back garden, but as long as there was a huge bouncy castle in there somewhere I would be happy.

New series of Top Gear starts tonight on BBC2 at 8pm, where it is thought the Stig is going to be revealed, probably because the secret is already out.

So what can we expect?

'...discover what Top Gear would have looked like if it had been made in the 1950s. Fortunately this doesn't mean the return of rationing and TB, but rather a massive race from London to Edinburgh between a glorious vintage Jaguar, a Vincent Black Shadow motorbike and a chuffing great steam locomotive.

Not to give too much away, but the sight of Clarkson shovelling a small mountain of coal by hand is not one you want to miss.

Other treats we have in store during the series include our attempt to solve the problem of airport delays, a guide to ice-racing on a budget and the usual blend of news, reviews and celebrity chat you've come to know and love'

1. The most densley populated country in the world is Monaco. China comes 10th. The UK 52nd. The USA comes in at 177th.

2. The single largest ethnic group on the planet by far is Han Chinese, which represents 19.73% of the global population.

3. At the present time there are around 6.79 biliion people on the planet. However, 8 of these people are currently 'in space' serving on the International Space Station.

4. By the year 2050 it is estimated there will be approximately 8.9 billion people on the planet.

5. The oldest person to have ever lived in the UK* is 113 year old Henry Allingham. He was born in 1896 and is the only surviving serviceman of the First World war, and he's still with us.

* Edit - believe there was a lady from France who lived to 120!

I'm staying at the Ibis with everyone else - very handily near to the railway station where I will embark/disembark from this fine city.

People coming as far as I know are:

Me
BrokenDown Angel
Soy (hostess)
MillyX
Not Bob

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says:

"Ah, you're an engineer, but you worked for a high-tech startup company and got rich. You've had too good of a life, so now you can't come in here."

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are all upgraded and there are speaker wires running to every room. Even the clocks on the VCRs are set. The engineer becomes a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says,

"So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators. The computers are faster than ever and we've got music in every room.There's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have gotten down there! Send him up here-NOW."

Satan shouts back, "No way! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right....and just where are YOU going to find a lawyer?"

Whilst sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and rotate it in a clockwise direction.

Now draw the number 6 in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction, and there's nothing you can do about it!

So I'll probably be a while - maybe I can make my own little world with characters from Blog....

*evilly chuckles whilst rubbing hands together*