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Move over Numpty Awards, wife muppetry coming through
@ 28/06/2007 – 17:51:24
Well, the Numpty Awards may be over, but I am going to introduce you to something many of you may already have heard of. Wife muppetry. Now, wife muppetry comes in many forms, but by far one of the most popular wife muppetry classifications is wife car muppetry, for which I shine in all aspects.
The most recent is my neglect of a slow punctured tyre which caused the flat I had on Wednesday on the way to work. Luckily a nice man in a white van stopped to help me, and my spare was a full width, but it was my own fault for not checking and replacing the tyre before now.

Now, I am a world class wife car muppeteer, as hubster magnox will testify (probably in court if he had to). My list of muppet moments has included: reversing into a stationary vehicle, the fear of driving a huge volvo whilst hubster was away in the Middle East which caused the brakes to seize and then have to be replaced, the failure to screw lid on properly of a canister of oil in the back seat of the (same) car (you can guess what happenend) and one that will stay in magnox's mind for a while involves his BMW and a brick wall (whilst all parking sensors were operational and at full volume).(Edit by Magnox: As the beeps get closer and closer together, it does not mean 'go faster and faster'.....)
Now, I can only aspire to become a true wife car muppeteer because my feats are apparently lame by some standards. Take a true story I heard from a friend at a Wife Car Muppetry Annonymous (WCMA) meeting: putting oil in the windscreen washer becasue - and I quote - 'they were in the same coloured bottle'.
But my coup de gras must be when the roof of my car wasn't going down properly and I took it to the Vauxhall garage. After much mulling over, testing, getting an identical car next to it and seeing how that worked, the man in the garage was surprised and not a little perplexed to see the face of Winnie the Pooh staring back at him in the rear window as the roof came down.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, Exhibit No. 1:
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Sorry Cancerians
@ 23/06/2007 – 11:08:54
Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches.
And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return.
Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius
Yipee! Hubster's an Aquarian.
Go here.
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I am a Chardonnay
@ 23/06/2007 – 11:03:17
You Are Chardonnay
Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.
You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.
You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.
Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).
Deep down you are: Dependable and modestYour partying style: Understated and polite
Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat
Go here.
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UK counties visited...
@ 22/06/2007 – 05:44:42
As it's the small island of the UK, here are the counties I have either lived or worked in or gone on holiday/generally had visits to in yellow (rather than just drive through which would just count them all). I must visit the South coast of England and Wales more! Every county has something to offer! Sorry, can't remember who I stole this off.
Go here.
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You'll bonk anything, won't you Lister?
@ 19/06/2007 – 19:39:42
The funniest Red Dwarf clip EVER. Enjoy.
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The Witchery of TV
@ 16/06/2007 – 09:33:35
Courtesy of Shmutzie's blog, here is a book review from Quick magazine published in 1951 which explains the witchery of TV. Has anything actually changed in 46 years though? Should we have listened to this man? ...

I wonder what he would have said about Big Brother...(click on it twice to see bigger version)
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Committee for the Liberation and Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilittation Into Society
@ 14/06/2007 – 19:10:44
Hello,
Started to write down a problem/solution for the house, which was clearly a mistake, as it's already three A4 pages long and I've only done three rooms ! Tsk. Still, small chunks, though. I'm going to try this approach:
When a situation feels overwhelming, try this. Break down the task down into smaller ones. Then prioritize what is most important to you. Now, do the first task on your list. Believe it or not, you will begin to feel better and ready for more. The important thing is to just do something towards your goal. No matter how small, it's a start and will break you out of feeling helpless.
Po had the bare-faced cheek to bring a rabbit into the lounge when I was watching TV. Chased him out, but he got his revenge by leaving the most colourful parts on the hallway carpet for me. Sorry, you probably didn't need to know that. But you can tell by his expression that he's full of remorse.
So here's one of my favourite clips from Red Dwarf - ever had a meeting like this at work? Buffoon boss at my work is Kryten here and Cool Boss is Rimmer:
'Listen you bunch of tarts, it's clobberin' time!'

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I am still here ...
@ 12/06/2007 – 18:43:55
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Pip & Polo
@ 03/06/2007 – 10:15:15
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Doctor Who
@ 02/06/2007 – 23:43:07
No - I won't go over 'old' ground that all Whoavians have done last night. Links here. (see the comments too, just as informative).
Just wanted to say that this guy - Daleks be damned - was a pretty scary villain. Could have out-acted everyone. Good job the Doc took care of him!!
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Pip & Polo
@ 02/06/2007 – 09:13:28
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I hate Starbucks
@ 02/06/2007 – 07:29:50
I hate Starbucks.
Queue with lots of people holding large newspapers who think they are being trendy by snubbing the proper 'cafes'.
The staff can usually never pronounce anything in English.
If you're in an airport Starbucks then they scowl at you and make you feel guilty for daring to come to the airport Starbucks as if your very purpose in life was to make them miserable.
And then...
Coffe and a pastry? That'll be the price of a bottle of wine then.
Oh, you're eating in? Then that'll be the price of a good bottle of wine then, like, from South Africa or something.
Starbucks sucks.
Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.
Don't get me started on Garfunkels...
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I need volunteers for my 2 day seminar
@ 01/06/2007 – 19:18:42
Hi all - thanks for agreeing to be part of my next seminar. There are plenty of spaces left for both course tutor assistance and attendance to the courses themselves, although places will be limited (see below). Thanks for your time!
It's A Man's World?Two Day Course
Open to Men
All Ages Welcme
(note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty of the courses, each course will only be open to a maximum of eight applicants)The course will be run over 2 days and the topics will include:
DAY ONE
Chair: Meno MamaHOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
Course tutor: Little Miss AverageTOILET ROLLS: DO THEY GROW ON HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
Course tutor: SixpenceDIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET AND FLOOR
Practical Session
Course tutor: Sarah MinchinDISHES & CUTLERY: DO THEY LEVITATE THEMSELVES TO THE KITCHEN TO THE SINK/DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate amongs panel of experts including Illustrated Girl & JenrayLOSS OF VIRIILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - help line and support groups
Course tutor: Lady BLEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the place upside down while screaming: Open Forum
Course tutor: Janey GodleyDAY TWO
Chair: SubvilleEMPTY MILK CARTONS: DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
Course tutor: FaffajaneHEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
Powerpoint presentation
Course tutor: rithompsonREAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHILST LOST
Real life testimonial from man that did
Guest speaker: cj592 has stepped down for fear of humitliation and embarrassement, so Molt has kindly stepped in.IS IT GENUINLY POSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
The course organisors kindly thank Mrs F and Shipscook for the visual demonstrationLIVING WITH ADULTS: DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Outline class and role-playing
Course tutors: Lindow & KathyHOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation techniques, medication and breathing excercises
Course tutor: Old Nick (alcohol not supplied)REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your diary or PDA to class
Course tutor: Louisa OutramGETTING OVER IT: LEARNING HOW TO COPE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselling sessions
Course tutor: Steph
I thank you all and hope to see you there! Gil (course organisor). xx




























